Its only been just over 2 weeks since Riley has been born, and I can already see there is a difference in my workouts. Previously, during all of my workouts I was singularly focused. I went out for a run and all I could think about was hitting my splits. On my bike rides, I focused on cadence, speed, etc (no power though- havent started using power on my bike yet- I know, I know. Im missing a lot). I was so focused on all my workouts. Even during my bad workouts, I knew I had to push through it and finish my workout and do the best I could.
Now, what I'm finding is that during my workouts is that my mind is usually somewhere else. I know its normal to have your mind wander, but this is all new to me. I was out on a 12 mile run on Monday, and halfway through all I could think about is my wife. I felt bad that she was home with the baby. What happened if she needed to do something? What happened if she took a nap? What happened if she needed a break? Same thing during my 60 minutes of spinning on Thursday. And since most of my runs take place in Central Park in NYC, its a 6 mile loop, when I finished my first loop, I packed it in and headed home.
When we were pregnant, my wife and I agreed that for all the time that I go for my workouts then my wife can have the equal amount of time doing what she wants. So if I went for a 2 hour run on a Saturday morning, then she would have 2 hours to go and do whatever she wanted no questions asked. If she wanted to get her nails done, go for a walk, take a nap, it didnt matter. We agreed that we can each do our own things so our lives wouldnt have to sacrifice that much with Riley being born. I was happy to make that deal. It was fair. I want my wife to be able to do what she wants and not feel like she is hampered by my workouts and training, the baby, and everything else.
But now, I just feel guilty about leaving her home. She lets me work out whenever I want and doesnt say a word. She's been a real trooper and supporter just like she always has. She knows I need these workouts for my sanity and training. But the problem here is me. I just continuously think about Riley and my wife during each and every workout. I have a long run scheduled for Saturday morning and then a long ride Sunday morning. I hope I can get through it with no problems. To be honest, my workouts are still pretty good. I'm still hitting my splits and still managing to log quality miles so at least they arent suffering completely. But its my mind that is giving me the biggest challenge.
I guess I still have to learn the balance of being a father and training for a race. I knew it would be hard with Boston happening in April and Riley being born in January, but its not like I planned it that way. Plus, its only been a little over 2 weeks so I have A LOT to learn, but its just been interesting to see how things have changed so quickly over such a short amount of time. I know there will be a time when I cant wait to get out the door and know that my workouts will give me that break I need, but right now, I just feel like I should be home with my wife and Riley. Looks like its welcome to fatherhood for me. I still wouldnt trade it for anything, well except maybe a PR in Boston. just kidding... sort of