When I checked the mail Monday, there was a nice big envelope with the Boston Athletic Association return address on it. I ripped it opened and included in the marketing pieces was the runners booklet and handbook with my Boston Marathon runner's passport. Obviously its no shocker that I would be getting this, but now its really close and now I know where I'll be seeded.
Let me say that my qualifying time was really good in my mind. A 2:53:08 marathon to me was as good as I could have run. Nothing faster. So I have been planning to run at a 6:59-7:03 pace per mile for the marathon. That equates to about a 3:03 marathon. Thats good enough for me with everything going on in my life right now with Riley being born.
My race number is 1508. That places me in wave 1, corral 2. That means I am basically starting in the front of the ENTIRE field. I am NOT that fast. I know that and I dont even want to give the impression that I think I'm faster than I am. I am not looking to beat my previous time which means that everyone who is in my corral, and about the 5 corrals after me will be trying to go for about a 2:45 marathon or faster. Thats just crazy. Basically Im going to get run over in the first half mile to mile. That scares the crap out of me. I keep reading the message boards and where people are seeded and where they want to finish and its no where near where I am both training for but also where I am capable or running.
What I'm also freaking out about is that my last long run was horrible. I was scheduled to go for a 23-24 mile run on Sunday, and I was struggling. I just didnt have it. I had to cut the run short at mile 12. So my last long run was bad and now my confidence is shot. I'm not a fan of having a big taper period, so I'm forcing myself to do an 18 mile run on Friday of this week, then have 2 weeks of taper time. But I was traveling for 5 days 2 weeks ago in Denver, 2 days last week in Flint, Michigan (ps- I wouldnt recommend that location for a vacation) and so I was just wiped. I have been getting up at about 4 AM the days before the run because I had to catch flights so I was just run down. I know its nothing to worry so much about but I would like to have at least one more long run under my belt so I can feel like I'll be strong enough to finish the race.
So about a month ago when I wrote about how well my training was going , it now looks like everything is the complete opposite from when I wrote that post (can you say jinx). My confidence was at an all time high then and now its at an all time low. I know that when I help coach or train people I always tell them to run your own race and not worry about anyone else. I know I'm going to follow my own advice and I always do, but the problem is those first few miles. We all know how races go. People hear the gun and just go out flying. There is constant weaving and bobbing to get a good position. But the start at Boston is so tight and there are turns that leads to a natural bottleneck so everyone will be fighting with each other and speeding up so I wont be able to run my own race for the first few miles.
So with 20 days to go, I am now officially freaking out. I might have to adjust my goal, but either way Im going to enjoy this race. Its going to be my last stand alone marathon for a while, so if I decide to just go and enjoy the race then so be it. But I would love to have a good 18 mile run this week, build my confidence and then rock Boston in 20 days.